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What I think you deserve.

One of the things I love most about getting older is how much stuff I’ve taken (or have had taken, by force) off my plate. I know adulting gets a bad rap these days and everyone is hella anti-aging, but I’m not buying it.

You couldn’t pay me to go back to the (completely exhausting) self-important know-it-all I used to be.

Not to say she’s gone for good. But at least now I recognize her when she shows up and have the wherewithal to take a good privilege/perspective check and send her back where she belongs – between the years 1996 and 2007.

The list of removed-from-my-plate items so far:

-the expectations and “shoulds” of people who don’t know me -the need to know (let alone control) what will happen tomorrow -the burden of forming an opinion on everyone else’s choices -pretending to enjoy people I don’t enjoy -guilt for spending time alone, doing things that feed my soul, and listening to my own heart -keeping up with trends: home decor, fashion, etc. (how about instead I just like what I like, you like what you like, and we all stop feeling the need to replace our stuff every six months when the new fabricated-by-marketers “trend” comes along. The earth and the slave laborers in Bangladesh will appreciate it.)

And most recently, I’ve decided to free myself from the concept of “deserving”. I could call it karma, but since I’m not an expert on Buddhism or Hinduism and I’m under the impression we don’t use the word karma correctly these days, I’ll stick with “deserving”.

38 years of life experience has taught me folks rarely (if ever) “get what they deserve”. Good or bad. And trying to figure out why the nicest people on earth continue to get kicked by circumstances completely out of their (or anyone’s) control while some of the shadiest folks seem to skate through life, dodging bullets left and right, just leaves me completely worn out.

“Deserving” is above my pay grade. Who do I think I am, anyway?

Instead I just want to sit with the kicked and trampled and let them know it’s not okay and it’s definitely not fair, but I’m ready to walk with them through the bullcrap so they don’t have to do it alone . I’ll avoid the urge to try and explain why it happened to them (which is really just me assuring me why it could never happen to me).

And when I encounter what I believe to be someone getting away with bullcrap, I’ll hop off my high horse and remember the world doesn’t exist to fulfill my own personal agenda or ideal of what is fair or not. This world is not mine to make right.

I’ve always liked “live and let live”, but since I’m into customizing (so trendy right now), I think I’ll make it “love and give grace”. There’s always room on my plate for that.


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